Monday, November 30, 2009

Annie Tribute Sing-a-Long!

The book'll come out tomorrow... bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be cool giveaways & blogtastic squeals of joy...

Okay, so I took some liberties with the lyrics, but the sentiment still applies. Could tomorrow please get here just a little faster? Purdy please?

Here's the sitch on the manyana mania:

Raven Rockin' Holiday Hunt! Those divine ladies at the Raven are at it again and this time they're giving away a brand, spanking new Sony e-Reader. Starting tomorrow, swing by the Raven for details on how to enter for your chance to win an e-Reader, a $50 Visa Gift Card, or a $25 Amazon GC.

Bloggin' & Chattin' Schedule Revealed! I'll be blogging at the Ruby Slipper blog tomorrow and the Raven on Saturday. Also, swing by the Samhain Cafe on Wednesday for a chat with some excellent Samhain authors.

So there it is. Release week, y'all. Tickle My Fantasy. Four delicious paranormal romantic stories filled with lightness and laughter, perfect for a short break from the frantic pace of the holiday season.

So you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

New Moon Smackdown

I love Mrs. Giggles.

I've read the entire Twilight saga. (And, yes, I think "saga" is the appropriate word to describe it. With all its melodramatic overtones.) I went to see the original Twilight movie where I snickered at the less-than-magical glitter on Edward's so-absolutely-not-human-no-way-no-how-he-doesn't-look-just-like-a-human-with-glitter-noooo face. So yeah, movie #1 was... erm... less than moving. But I enjoyed its camp with unabashed glee.

Then New Moon came out and the became The Biggest Movie in the Whole Entire History of the Universe Bar None Oh My God! So I went to see that one too. I was lucky enough to be sitting next to someone who thought the film was just as snicker-worthy as I did, so I was not alone in my chortles of mirth at inappropriate moments. (Like when Bella falls down in the forest and simply cannot bring herself to get her stupid ass up off the evil-vampire-infested ground.)

And then today (bliss!) I tripped across Mrs. Giggles's
review of New Moon. Be Warned: Orange juice really hurts when you snort it out your nose. Learn from my mistakes and put down the oj before reading this puppy.

I know there are beaucoup Twilight fans out there ready to fillet me for my sacrilege, but I just couldn't stomach the angst level in New Moon. The paranormal world - tres cool. The actors - studly. But the melodrama... I'm sorry. I have a low threshold for melodrama.

However, I really, really enjoyed the movie-going experience. This camptastic epic was oddly satisfying. And New Moon, the movie, contained the bestest Twilight joke evah:

How does Bella Swan get to Italy to save Edward? Virgin Airways.

No, really.

So, how do you feel about the Twilight saga? Love? Hate? Guilty pleasure?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Attention Amazon Shoppers...

Tickle My Fantasy (officially releasing in print on TUESDAY, DEC 1st) is now available via Amazon.com. Not just for pre-order, boys and girls. Shipping now! A friend of mine informed me her copy arrived on Wednesday. Woot! It's happening. People area actually holding my book in their hot little hands! Touching it, stroking it, reading it!

Notice, I say, people are doing this. Am I doing this? Nope. Know why? Because I live in the back of beyond and the mail takes eleven million years to get here. I don't even have my author copies yet. *sniff, sniff* Rockstar-anthomates Misty Evans & Sela Carsen both got their author copies on Wednesday. Did I? No. Cuz apparently we must bring books in from the outside world by dogsled. Books are heavy. The dogs get tired. Thus, slow mail.

Okay, pity party complete. Now for the fun stuff.

Tickle My Fantasy rocks. (And I can totally say this without bragging because 3/4 of it isn't mine.) MK Mancos navigates through the tricky waters of matchmaking for paranormal beings and demigods in Paramatch.com, Misty Evans walks us through the twelve-step process for kicking that nasty devil-worshiping witchcraft habit (even if the devil in question is as delish as dark chocolate) in Witches Anonymous, and Sela Carsen gives us a naughty librarian and a studly werewolf in Carolina Wolf - really does it get any better? All in tasty bite-sized novellas.

Go ahead. Try to resist the magic. We dare you!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Plenty to Be Thankful For

You know Holiday Inn, that old movie with Bing Crosby and Fred Estaire? That movie kicks off the holidays for me each year. It isn't Christmas music on the radio or the frenzy in the shopping malls on Black Friday. For me, the holiday spirit hits with Holiday Inn.

There's a song for every holiday (well, all the ones that got screentime) and Bing croons a doozie about Thanksgiving. He's grouchy. He's lost the girl and had to close his inn. It's Bing's "black moment", to use a popular writing term. But, boy, do I ever love that song.

I've got plenty to be thankful for. I haven't got a great big yacht to sail from shore to shore. Still I've got plenty to be thankful for.

So whether you're in a black moment or a happily-ever-after of your own, Happy Thanksgiving. Here's to all the things, big and small, we have to be thankful for.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Officially a Twit

I joined Twitter.

I know, I know, I've been resisting its Twitterific allure for a while now, but yesterday, in a fit of procrastination, I decided I wanted to follow people, dammit. So that's what I'm doing. Giving in to my stalker-ish tendencies. This seems a much healthier outlet for my author-groupie impulses than, say, lurking outside their houses. Gena Showalter will tell me when she has new books coming out! Because she wants me to know. Cuz I'm special like that. Me and all two thousand of the rest of her followers.

I don't know if I will tweet much, as I am a long-winded type person and doubt I will ever have anything worthwhile to say that can be said in 140 characters or less. But I might occasionally tweet some less-than-worthwhile things... so if you wanna follow me here's the link: http://twitter.com/ViviAndrews

What do you think of the various and sundry social media? I have a feeling, now that I've signed up for Twitter, that everyone will suddenly shift over to some other new site. I will still blog (because my Narcissism is hungry and must be fed!) but it's possible facebook will suffer from even worse neglect if I really get into the TweetVerse.

I heard about this study (and now I wish I remembered where I read about it, cuz it would be awesome to cite it here, wouldn't it?) talking about teens and social media. How parents were all worried that their kids weren't socializing "normally" since they were always hooked into their iPhones and whatnot. So, apparently, this study found that kids who were linked up to various sites actually had more developed social skills than those who weren't. I found it really interesting, because you always hear about technology distancing people, rather than bringing them together in meaningful human ways.

Like anything, you get out of it what you put in, and adults may have a very different experience than kids who are raised with that as the norm. I don't know. I think, when it comes to social media, as with most things, the important thing is to not demonize them or blame the technology. It's neutral. Inanimate. It isn't out to destroy our lives, but it will only enrich your life if you use it that way. It's all in what you bring to the table.

And I've devolved into preachy pablum. Ugh.

Moral of the story: I've joined Twitter. Consider this a fact-finding mission. I will report back in a couple months with details as to my success or lack thereof in my quest for domination of the TweetVerse. Rah.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Poorly Constructed Suspension

So, I saw The Fourth Kind last night. (And I am a complete idiot, apparently, since it took me until almost all the way through the movie to figure out the title was a play on Close Encounters of the Third Kind.) It's an alien abduction movie set in Nome, Alaska. And it wants you to believe it's a true story.

I'm not really going to talk about the movie. It was more ridiculous than scary, but my friend and I enjoyed it with the delight of those who mock such films. I'm not sure why they decided to set this "real" film in Nome. Maybe so it would be harder to refute? I don't know.

What I want to talk about is the suspension of disbelief. My disbelief wasn't suspended for a moment, so instead of watching the film and thinking, "Hey, that's a cool idea! Why are the aliens speaking ancient Sumerian?" I was snorting to myself at how ridiculous the idea of aliens speaking ancient Sumerian and tromping through our heiroglyphic art in spacesuits was.

If a movie is fiction, I will buy into the premise and enjoy all the "what ifs". I may even spend a lot of time consdering afterward, "What if that what if is true?" But if you insist a movie is true, then the game becomes not about the what ifs, but about picking apart your "facts". I don't buy in for a second. So if you are creating a movie, and you have this really cool idea, why would you want to try to pass it off as true? You are setting yourself up to have to defend it, right up until the moment you admit you lied about the truth. What a pain. When instead you could be talking about the cool what ifs.

Dan Brown, I think, does a really good job of dealing right on the edge of the what ifs and the suspension of disbelief. In The Da Vinci Code, in particular, he sets up a "this could have happened" atmosphere and lets the reader do the work of deciding if his theories are true (and blasphemous and banworthy!) or just an interesting what-if. His book is fiction, but the conspiracy behind it was originally published as a thesis in a non-fiction book. However, the nonfic version by that poor other author Danny Boy got all his ideas from, that one never sold very well. Because he couldn't suspend the disbelief high enough. Dan Brown didn't try. He just set up a what if atmosphere and let the story tell itself. And he had a bestseller. Fiction can be more believable and intriguing than it's real life counterpart and Dan has the mansion to prove it.

I'm really hoping the "No, it's True!" movies go extinct soon... or go back to being produced as one hour conspiracy theories for the History channel. Give me a what if, any day.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Oh-My-Freaking-God PERFECT Cover

Check out the newfound hotness, y'all! My cover art for Serengeti Storm is here! Do you love it? Cuz, I gotta say, I flat out love it. Let me count the ways:

1) The chick is hawt AND haughty. She looks exactly like I pictured Shana!
2) The lion looks like he's settled in for the duration, right? Like he's waiting out the storm. Which is totally a metaphor for their relationship, yo!
3) The contrast between the icy blue tones and the fiery red tones could totally be a metaphor for the battle between her red-hot hotness and his big strong coolness. Am I right?

Okay, okay, I'm overanalyzing the cover. Suffice it to say, it rocked my world and rocked it hard.

Here's hoping the rest of the reading world agrees. Your thoughts?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Tortoise & the Hare

I'm over at the Damned Scribbling Women blog today, talking about writing at your own pace. Are you a tortoise or a hare?

http://dscribwomen.blogspot.com/2009/11/tortoise-hare.html

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Delinquent Blogger

I have witty and insightful things to say. I swear. I'm just kinda frazzled at the moment. I'm trying to do three things this week. I can accomplish all three, I know I can, but having all three of them looming in the "Not Yet Accomplished" column is freaking me out a little.

So, erm, blog amongst yourselves, darlings. I'll be with you shortly.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Because Saving is Fun...

Black Friday comes early this year. It's a sale! Check it out:




This Thanksgiving Season we're giving something to you.
From November 10-November 24 readers will be receiving a 25% eBook Bucks rebate on all Samhain titles.
What are you waiting for? Hop on over to
AllRomance.com or OmniLit.com and receive bucks back today...on us!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Four & a Half Nymphs

It's another review! Literary Nympths Reviews gave The Ghost Exterminator four and a half nymphs. (Which, of course, has me thinking all sorts of gory thoughts about the nymph who pulled the short straw and got cut in half...)

Jo and Wyatt couldn’t be more dissimilar in personalities and life experiences and the author did a great job highlighting those differences, and changing their relationship from adversaries to lovers.

Isn't that sweet? She liked Jo & Wyatt. :) I like them too. (Is it weird to like people you made up?)

I like the premise for this paranormal series, and have great hopes that the author will continue to create characters and plots for additional books in the future.

I will! I am! Watch for the next Karmic Consultants novel, The Sexorcist, releasing in ebook April, 2010. (Jo from The Ghost Exterminator & Lucy from The Ghost Shrink both make cameos.)

Thank you, Mystical Nymph, for the lovely review.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Vibration: Occupational Hazard

I'm talking today about the giant vibrating machine I spent most of yesterday with.

My snow blower. The machine that throws the snow around in my driveway. (You people all have filthy minds, you know that?) Ahem.

Yesterday I woke up to a lovely blanket of freshly fallen snow. *Cue the sleigh bells.* After an appropriate amount of time spent gazing at the picturesque vista, I decided that I did, in fact, want to be able to leave the house at some point before April, and therefore would have to break out the snow-blower to clear the driveway.

I dragged that big monster out of the garage. Throttle, choke, and away we go. With my iPod cranked up to top volume to compete with the engine noise, I bopped up and down the driveway, snow flying merrily in all directions (and then I figured out how to work the thingy that turns the chute the snow flies out of - the first big snowfall of the year is always a re-learning experience).

Hours later, after I'd reached the point of cursing the fact that the driveway is so darn big (do we really need that circle cleared? What about the spot where my sister always parks? Does she really need a parking space?), I shut off the blower. Pleased with a job well done, I rolled that puppy back into the garage.

That's when I noticed it. My hands weren't working properly.

Apparently, clinging to a giant vibrating machine for extended periods of time can really mess with your fine motor skills. My hands were numb, achy and stiff. Which, usually, wouldn't be a problem. But, see, I had this great plan for yesterday. Step One: Snowblow the driveway. Step Two: Complete Edits and return them to my editor.

Step Two became a lot harder to accomplish when I couldn't type. Even my mouse-clicking ability was distinctly sub-par.

It's funny the things you take for granted. I don't often think about how much I love my hands, and being able to use them. It hadn't even occurred to me that snow-blowing the driveway was something I should probably do after completing my necessary computer tasks for the day.

My usual light-speed typing was a fond memory. I stumbled clumsily along making typo after typo, where normally my fingers would fly lightly across the keys, easily keeping pace with my thoughts. (As an experiment, I then sat down at the piano for a bit - it wasn't pretty, folks.)

Thankfully, my hands are back to normal. It only took an hour or so before I was back to my usual fleet-fingered self. But it was a fun lesson to remember: don't overlook the little stuff. Manual dexterity is something to be grateful for. And stay away from giant vibrating machines.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Sunday Funnies

I recently discovered a new author. Okay, okay, I didn't discover her. Her editor or agent or someone or other discovered her, her books were published, a writer friend read the book, got sick of listening to me bitch about the dearth o' romance books that land on the humorous side of the spectrum (I am so sick of angst, I can't even express the degree to which I am sick of angst)... and then I "discovered" my new author (Julie James! Rockstar!) by running off to my local library to check out one of her books.

Why was I whining and moaning about the lack o' humor? Because I don't control the universe. If I controlled the universe, one of my absolute favorite rom-com authors (Stephanie Rowe - Love! Love!) would not be launching a new romantic suspense series. She would be giving me more of the funnies I need rather than writing thrillers set in Alaska, of all places. I have faith in her brilliance, so I'm sure they are amazing romantic thrillers set in Alaska. I'm sure she did her research. There will be no children walking through a thousand miles of wilderness to befriend polar bears. I just have a really hard time with psychotic killer books. They don't ring my bells. Ms. Rowe's Immortally Sexy series rang my bells big time, but she seems to be taking a break from the funny - a choice I respect. She should write what makes her happy... but oh, if I ran the universe...

So, now that I've read everything Julie James has on the shelves at the moment, I'm on the prowl again. Any suggestions? Who's your favorite rom-com author?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Raven Movie Snark!

The illustrious Mandy Roth and magnificent Michelle Pillow are allowing me (moi! no kidding!) to contribute to their fabulous Raven Blog. The first Saturday of every month, I'll be snarking it up with my commentary on a paranormal movie. There will be spoilers. Oh yes, there will be spoilers. But hopefully there will also be many giggles, a few snorts, and a guffaw or two.

Click on the pic to join me today when I'll be giving an (extremely biased) comparison between the Donald Sutherland Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Nicole Kidman's recent remake Invasion.


Friday, November 6, 2009

Stuff for Readers & Stuff for Writers

READERS: All Romance eBooks is having a birthday and all this month they are randomly selecting customers and giving them their entire wishlist. Do you buy your books at ARe? Well, make sure you have your wishlist full, just in case!

WRITERS: Have questions about romance writing, the biz, formatting your manuscript or what-have-you? There's an open Q&A at the Ruby-Slippered Sisterhood blog today. Ask away and get gobs of answers!

OH! And lest we forget... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMHAIN! It's Samhain Publishing's fourth birthday and there's a party going on. Chaos (and an e-reader giveaway) today at the Samhain Cafe! Come on by and join the madness.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Play Nice in the Sandbox

There are some pretty sweet perks to finaling in the Golden Heart. One of them is definitely the fellow finalists you meet along the way. Danniele Worsham is one such finalist. She's also a member of the Writing Playground and this month they've invited me over to play in their Sandbox. Danniele, aka Angel, interviewed me about writing, the Golden Heart, and everything in between. Come on by and I might even share my toys...

Monday, November 2, 2009

A Keeper!

Eep! Eep! Mrs. Giggles reviewed The Ghost Exterminator and she liked it! She really liked it! She gave it a 94!

"Halloween is over, but it's never too late to cuddle up with this oh-so-so-so entertaining and funny romance. Think Jayne Ann Krentz meets Ghostbusters. Think fabulous."

Zounds, y'all. Check out the Full Review.

And then my editor tells me she tweeted it... and it got retweeted... and now I'm having to reconsider my no-twitter stance. Do I need a twitter account? Your thoughts?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Author Interview: Mary Hughes

Today's interview subject is someone I met when I sent her a gushing fangirl email about how wonderful I thought her debut book was (Biting Nixie! Available in bookstores now!). Turns out, the author is just as wonderful as her novel. I'm thrilled to welcome the marvelous Mary Hughes to the blog today to talk about how she got to be the great big slice of awesome she is.

Welcome, Mary! (Applause!)

When you got The Email offering to publish Bite My Fire, how did you celebrate?

I’m a blackbelt in Taekwondo and one of the first things you learn is board breaking. Bear with me, this does get around to answering the question. In board-breaking, the whole secret is to put your foot or fist through the board. Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many people think it’s about hitting the board, which basically produces a smack and a lot of pain. You have to picture your foot behind the board, envision that point beyond. So The Email? With everything I went through to get there (see question 2), it was less a Yay! and more Thank God, finally.

Oooh, a board-breaking metaphor. Martial artist/authors unite! (I do Yoshukai karate.) And now, back to the interview...

What was your path to publication? Do you have a First Sale story you’d like to share?

Mine was a very crooked path. To lay the ground, let me say I hate rejections. As in hate so much that for every rejection I got I’d write another three novels to comfort myself. So I piled up quite a few for the drawer before I actually made it to print (no, not going to say how many. It embarrasses even me).

About four years ago I had finally gotten an editor from Ellora’s Cave interested enough to request fulls. Still no contract, though, so I sat down to write a follow up—when I was shanghaied by vampires and wrote a 200,000-word science fiction story. The funny thing about this is I swore to myself I’d never-ever write a vampire story. I mean, come on! Evil creatures of the night that suck blood for food? Yuck. And most of the vampire books I read were so fake. Then I had a ding moment and saw a way to fit most of the lore together that was quite real. Those who’ve read Biting Nixie know my vampires drink blood to fill their veins, not their bellies, and there are other ramifications as well (to be revealed in tantalizing dribbles, natch).

Anyway I wrote that mega-novel which, when I finished, I realized would never sell (not as a first sale). So I threw together everything I had gotten positive response with—humor, sex, paranormal romance and action (and the kitchen sink) and the embryonic Bite My Fire (originally titled Sizzling Satin Nights: a Novel of Sex, Guns, and Polkas) was the result. I peddled this to choruses of blank walls but in the meantime I fell across urban slang got the inspiration for Biting Nixie.

The rejections had started coming back for Sizzling Satin Nights and I realized humor, sex, paranormal romance and action (and especially the kitchen sink) was another hard-sell—nobody in their right mind puts all that together.

And then the Samhain Publishing Tickle My Fantasy call for submissions came, looking for just that combination. (Except for the sink.) After I picked up my teeth from the floor I dashed off what would eventually become Biting Me Softly (releasing April 2010). I didn’t make the anthology (Vivi did, with Ghost Shrink!) but when I read the wickedly clever warnings I knew Samhain was the place I wanted to be. So I was thrilled when the anthology editor passed my story on to the amazing Deborah Nemeth. I eventually submitted Biting Nixie and got a contract. And that, after all I had been through, was just the beginning.

Humor, sex, paranormal romance, and action... I think I've found my soulmate. I, for one, am downright giddy that you found a home with Samhain.

If you weren’t a writer, what would you be? (Note: this does not have to be your day job if you have one; it can be anything from flapper to astronaut to crime-solving paleontologist.)

Composer. In fact I take out my frustrations by writing truly weird book trailer music. Punk rock meets Renaissance dances, Edvard Grieg meets salsa.

I'm so jealous of people who compose! My brother inherited all the composer genes in our family. (For those interested in hearing Mary's Grieg salsa & Renaissance punk - like I had to after this comment - have a listen to her book trailers for Bite My Fire & Biting Nixie.)

What is the best advice you ever got as a writer? The worst? If you could go back in time and give your beginner-writer-self some advice, what would you say?

Best advice: 1) start with something interesting and 2) don’t get upset, it’s just business. Worst advice: well, it’s not advice per se, but “write what you read” never worked for me. If I could go back? I’d tell myself clich├ęs are anything that roll off the tongue without engaging the mind. Writing startles, intrigues, engages—and then resolves.

What drives your books? Is it the hero, the heroine, the conflict?

Definitely the conflict. I love to take a hot-hot hero, a layered heroine, toss ‘em in a mud pit and see what happens! Then toss ‘em in a snake pit and see what happens! Then toss ‘em in bed and…you get the idea.

As an author of humor, how do you integrate comedy into your stories? Do you think of yourself as writing romantic comedy or romances that happen to be funny? Do you ever feel there is pressure to make people laugh?

Great question! My main thrust is to be interesting, to say things in new and unexpected ways. So I don’t really consider myself a humorous writer. I just have a funny outlook on life. Both funny odd and funny ha-ha. I’m extremely fortunate to have three family members who are genuinely funny, and I take my cues from them. But beyond that I like to put characters in situations and see what they do. The most important thing I try to remember is that, while the situations and actions are funny, the underlying emotions must always be real. Don’t know if I make it all the time, but that’s my goal.

That is such a good point. Humor has to have a geniune emotional core beneath it or it just comes across as gratuitous schtick. I love authors who can find that balance of sincerity and wit. (Like you do.)

To date your novels have centered around the vampire community in Meier’s Corners, Illinois. (Have I mentioned how much I love that town?) Do you plan to stay in Meier’s Corners as the Biting Love series continues, or do you have plans to branch out into another series or another town?

It’s less a question of branching out from Meiers Corners and more an issue of the world impinging on MC. The Bite of Silence (Dec 29) opens a few windows on that. Not to give away too much but Meiers Corners may be caught in a wider conflict. Another series? Maybe that 200,000 word science fiction story, some day :) ! I have lots of ideas but it really depends on what people will actually want to read.

What’s next for you?

I’ve got four books contracted and another short to write, and then I want to go back to studying writing. It’s a huge field and for every two things I learn it seems one dribbles back out my ear. I’m in awe of people who can diagram sentences (like Vivi!) and while I may never get to that point I can at least try to be better.

There is always more to learn, isn't there? It's exciting to think your books could possibly get any better. (Hey, I warned you I was a rabid fangirl.) Thank you so much for submitting to my inquisition today, Mary, and best of luck with all your Biting Love books!

And now, Dear Reader, check out the awesomeness that is Mary Hughes:

Bite My Fire
ISBN: 978-1-60504-680-8

At last, the perfect lover. Now what? Stake him, shoot him—or screw him?

Elena O’Rourke lusts for two things—her detective’s shield and a good lay. Sass-Cgal’s “Bad Girl Sex Tips” will win her the man. But keeping the shield hinges on solving a murder.

Warrior-gorgeous Bo Strongwell stands in her way.

Powerful as a Viking warship, Bo would be Elena’s one-stop solution to celibacy—except for his apartment building full of mysteries. Plus, his kisses…and nibbles…and full body tongue-swipes…keep distracting her from the case. As if a caped clown named Dracula, a hooker with a heart of gold (and boobs of steel), and Elena’s own clueless partner aren’t distraction enough.

Bo Strongwell is a master vampire who needs a cop snooping around like he needs a garlic enema. Fighting rogues keeps him busy enough without Elena trying to pin the murder on one of his kind…even if she does taste like heaven.

Two fighters for justice. One incredible attraction. A terrible secret. Drunken women dancing on the bar… It all rides on Elena solving the Case of the Punctured Prick.

Warning: Jammed with hot explicit sex, graphic fanged violence, and acid cop humor. May contain donuts.

Biting Nixie
ISBN: 978-1-60504-437-8

Nitro? Meet glycerin…

Punk musician Nixie Schmeling is a hundred pounds of Attitude who spells authority a-n-c-h-o-r and thinks buying insurance is just one more step toward death. So she really feels played when she’s “volunteered” to run the town’s first annual fundraising festival. Especially when she finds out it’s to pay for a heavy-hitting, suit-wearing lawyer—who’s six-feet-plus of black-haired, blue-eyed sex on a stick.

Attorney Julian Emerson learned centuries ago that the only way to contain his dangerous nature is to stay buttoned up. He’s come from Boston to defend the town from a shady group of suits…and an even shadier gang of vampires. But his biggest problem is Nixie, who shreds his self-control.

Nixie doesn’t get why the faphead shyster doesn’t understand her. Julian wishes Nixie would speak a known language…like Sanskrit. Even if they manage to foil the bloodthirsty gang, what future is there for a tiny punk rocker and a blue-blooded skyscraper?

And that’s before Nixie finds out Julian’s a vampire…

Warning: Contains more eye-popping sex, ear-popping language and gut-popping laughs than can possibly be good for you. And vampires. Not sippy-neck wimps, but burning beacons of raw sexuality—this means passionate blood-heating, violent bloodletting, and fangy bloodsucking. Oh, and cheese balls. Those things are just scary.