Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Bachelor Drinking Game!

It's that time again, boys and girls!  The time when twenty-five eager young wannabe daytime talk show hosts/future Dancing with the Stars "stars"/romantic hopefuls descend on a mansion at an undisclosed location in LA to find love on national television.  That's right!  The Bachelor is back!

This year Bachelor Ryan is in the driver's seat (much to the squealing delight of the bachelorettes and the show's producers who made sure every "bigger in Texas" reference imaginable made it into the opening footage).

Now, I am fascinated by the phenomenon that is The Bachelor, but I have to say it is a show that doesn't benefit from sobriety, so I hereby introduce The Bachelor Drinking Game! (I'm certain I'm not the first to come up with this - the show BEGS for shots.)  Are you ready to play along? 

Here are the rules.  Players must drink whenever any bachelor or bachelorette mentions:
  • Embarking on a journey.
  • Being initially skeptical about finding love this way, but KNOWING it is possible now.
  • His or her future wife/future husband.  (Doubles for "I believe my future wife is in this room.")
  • "Stealing" someone away for a moment.
  • Describing any location as "the perfect place to fall in love".
  • Being there for the right reasons/not the right reasons/the wrong reasons.
For advanced players (if you have a high tolerance), also drink whenever:
  • Anyone cries.  (Warning: Only for Professional Drinkers.)
  • Anyone gloats over receiving a rose.
  • Any of the ladies look visibly homicidal during the rose ceremony.
  • Anyone in the rejection limo says some variation of "I just want to be loved."
  • And finally, since we have a bevy of southern ladies every year, let's add a shot for every "Bless her heart."
Get ready for those Tuesday morning hangovers, ladies and gentlemen!   It's time for romance, ABC style.

Maybe next week we'll look at dating Dos & Don'ts as taken from this season of The Bachelor.  So far we have DON'T Serenade Your Prospective Sweetie the first time you meet (cuz it's just awkward, even if you have a really pretty voice and will probably have a very successful career in Nashville).  DO tell him your name.  DON'T repeatedly mention Fifty Shades of Grey and do a dance that begs for a pole in the middle of the living room.  But DO (shockingly) show up for your first meet in a wedding dress.  (I still can't believe that worked, but The Bride does seem kinda sweet underneath all the alcohol and layers of tulle so just goes to show you never can tell.)

Happy Trainwreck Romance Viewing, boys and girls!

No comments: