Kill Me Now

I love romance novels. They fit nicely into my happily-ever-after worldview. (Huh, I wonder if romance book readers are by nature more optimistic than their more depressing literary counterparts?) I love reading romance and I love writing it.

However, there are some parts about being a romance author that I would happily do without. I'd be a happy camper if I never had to look at another rejection letter. I'd kiss the person who told me I never had to write another query letter or boil my book down into a catchy tagline (I suck at taglines). And, as much as I want people to read and enjoy my work, there are some people I would prefer never read my books. But one of the downsides of publishing is that after my book hits the open market, my ultra-stubborn, hyper-conservative grandmother can buy her own copy and I can't stop her.

That is what happened this week. My grandmother read my book. My oh-so-proper grandma read words like "stripper" and "handjob" and "gigolo." Written by yours truly. Not to mention the words of the four-letter variety. You wanna hear the kicker? She's reading it aloud to my blind grandfather. Just take a moment to picture that, if you will.

I cannot talk to my grandmother about my sex book, so my aunt is acting as an intermediary. She informed me that my gran found the book to be "well-written" and wanted to assure me that they still love me and know that I can still behave like a lady - no matter how my characters may act.

At least my father has agreed to forego the pleasure of my literary genius until I write something more to his taste. (Thank you, Daddy!) I've promised he will be the first to read my manuscript if I ever write a Ken Follett-esque novel. And someday I will. Pillars of the Earth III: Judgement Day. Even if my dad is the only one who ever reads it. In the mean time, he couldn't be prouder, and we both pretend he doesn't know what I write.

Today's Gigolo Question: Is romance your dirty little secret? Is there anyone out there you would rather not know you read (or write) romance?